Fed Up.

Right now I am just fed up with everything! I just don't know anymore. I just have that feeling of what's the use anymore. You name it and I'm over it. I just don't know what to do to make things better in my life. I' m almost to the point where I just want to hop on my bike and ride away. Ride nonstop-ride, and ride , and ride.............

I want to run and I want to run purposely. I know everything I need to know. I know what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. I know how to train, how to eat, and how to recover. I know how to make myself better physically. But how do I make myself better where it really counts-my head.

A healthy body starts with a healthy heart, then a healthy mind.
What I'm fed up with is myself.

More to come...

In and Out, In and Out

Last week was not a good week for me. Last week I could not get out of my head and guess where I ended up? That's right-back in the hole.It's hard to be alone when your not. It's hard to be what someone somebody whats you to be and when you are you get pushed back. Oh well...

The hardest part is getting out the door. Running and riding is my escape. A way to clear my head and find peace within . Hey, everybody has to have reason, or two or three. We all have our unique path on the same road. Don't you love it?

I got out the door this week. I'm going to get out tomorrow. I had a great ride the other day. Still enjoy exploring the countryside on the fat tires. You just can't beat the beauty of the land around here. You can't beat riding for twenty miles and only seeing one car! You can't beat running on quiet trails. Even when your feet end up looking like this afterwards. No biggie though. It doesn't bother me. I think it looks wicked!

Next week I start on a marathon plan. Now I just need to find a marathon.

More to come...

Now Go Get Lost.

Its been a year since my world came tumbling down. So now what?
I read somewhere and it read "What others think of you is none of your business" . He was right. I have to just be myself and do the best that I can.

And now back to our show-or better yet the road. Having a blast on the fat tires! Long term thought-XC race!
Just picking a direction and I'm gone.
Sunday I reached a point. I had seen this road before and the small hill at the beginning so why not? What I didn't notice was that was only a quarter of the hill-holy cow! This is what it is all about so off I go up the hill. Now I'm pinging the heart rate and feeling good. Until the second hill and here I go again. Where is that Granny gear? Yea I said that and I made it up! Now I turn and what is this-another hill! So now I have a choice. I can either stop or walk it up. To me it is always better to keep moving so walk up and get my heart back down.
Now I was  basically thinking I was going to ride in a square so turn at the next road. This is about the time I realize I might be seeing what I just rode through and I was right. So hill four -ok, hill five not ok.
I made it back and was the better for it.
I really believe we have to break ourselves sometimes. How else are we going to learn? How else are we going to get better if not by testing our limits? I died on that ride and felt great about it,

And now on to running! Today was a great day. Today I hit the trails. I've been blessed with a state park just down the road. I know I'm going to have a great time at this place. So with water in one hand and a map in the other I was off running. Something about being alone of the trails just fills the soul with great energy. I'm in love.

With all that is going on in the country we cannot forget about our parks. We need to get out and use these great places and support them. These are true treasures!

More to come...

My New Long Road

Well I'm back. Not like anyone noticed. Any now I'm back in a new location and loving it. Why-well because I get to explore some beautiful country. It is GREAT!

I haven't had done much running but I have been taking my mountain bike out exploring the back roads. Great way to see things and clear your head.

So in a few days I start back on a plan. Actually because the kids start back to school and I have time in the morning to get back to the running. And it comes at a good time. I need to get back on a routine-a get rid of 25 pounds routine and running is a big part of it. I get back to running-I start eating better........

Now I just need a goal (a race) -a marathon. Also need to get my sights set back on an Ironman.
And I will!

More to come...

I Believe.

Even though I can't get out and run I'm not giving in and climbing back into my hole. I have to figure out ways to keep myself going and I am. There is a small problem. I gain weight. I don't get hung on weight but when I gain this type of weight it goes straight to my Bubba gut and it feels uncomfortable. The sad thing is that I know where it comes from and what to do about it and how to get rid of it. But when I can't get out and run it seems so much harder for me to do anything else but eat.

This will all change soon, I hope. In a few weeks I will be settled in to a new place. I've already measured out some routes figured out  when I can run. And I found a goal-Ironman Louisville 2012.

This whole thing started when my life fell apart training for this race last year. A year ago I was cranking away getting so pumped for this race. The workouts were a natural high. Five k long swims, hours on the bike, and twenty mile runs all in the zone. And in a few weeks I begin again.

For now? I do what I can when I can and I believe. So get ready because I coming.

More to come...

I'm Trying.

Well I'm back on the road, back on the trails, back on anything. Not the mileage I was at but I'm getting out the door. Some days it's still hard. Some days I get out there and I'm wondering what am I doing? I just want to get back in bed. But when I finish I always remember how much I love what I do and why I run-sheer joy.

And now things change. I'm going to find time. I'm going to have new places to explore. I'm going to find new friends on the roads and trails I explore. It's all there waiting for me.

I start fresh. I work on my form. I get back to eating healthy (which I believe is half the equation). I set up a goal and work out a plan.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

More to come...

In My Hole,

I hate my hole. That place I climb into and want to stay. Climb in and stay is what I did. I guess it all caught up to me. Seemed like everything happened to me at once. Things happen and things change and I have to deal with it and learn to make the best of it. I think what got me was that I couldn't run and it snowballed. I didn't want to get up. I even started back on some meds trying to get me out of the whole. I thought if I started from scratch it could inspire me to get moving. Nothing was working and wasn't moving. You could say I got plenty of rest.

But a few days ago I decided to not give in to the negative thoughts. I had to get up and get going. I had to stop eating whole pizzas and drinking a gallon of soda.

Today I got up and did three miles. Today I ate fruit and a salad and drank water. Today I feel positive. Tomorrow is going to be even better!

More to come...

I'm Back????

I sunk down-way down.

After my "misstep" that twisted my knee.... I thought I could tread lightly for a few days and be back to normal. That being 40 miles a week. Some pain I expected as along as the swelling stayed down. And it did.

Now skip a few weeks and I am in the crowd starting a marathon feeling groovy. I love this stuff! This is where I feel the energy of the moment. So here I go again. From the start I spot the 4 hour pace team. Great I can do that! Six miles feel good. Thirteen miles still hanging in there. Seventeen miles-what was that? And there it is! Hello knee, time for some pain? And time it was.

So the knee was gone. I mean really gone, and with eight miles to go! I can do eight miles. No way I am dropping from this race. The last one killed me. So off I go no matter how I go. I jog, I walk, I hop, I do everything. And everything I do. Thank goodness for sunglasses because if anybody saw the pain.

And I finished! Forget the time-again.

I know I shouldn't been there in the first place. Its not like I was in the middle of nowhere. I could step aside and catch a cab ( I always carry a twenty in my shoe). I had my phone. So I was good.

So then it was back to where I should have been-healing. So for a few weeks nothing. Nothing at all. I'm too old for another rebuilt knee.

So here I am know. Low miles, easy pace. Starting all over again. And I couldn't be happier!

More to come.... I promise

D.N.F....y

DNF! Three letters that drive me crazy. Three letters that sink into my very being.

So last weekend I joined some friends on a 50k run. Basically I was going to enjoy the ride. Maybe take a few pictures along the way. Be in the moment and all that. Well that worked until about six miles into the race when my left foot slid on some leaves sliding it in one direction, my knee in the opposite direction, and hip following the direction of my foot. And just to add to the fun my head into a tree. So there I am laying on the ground screaming out every dirty word I can think of in the book ( and inventing a few more),my knee starting to swell, my hip just weird, and my sunglasses busted.

After what seemed to be forever I get up and start hobbling to the next aid station two miles away. For me it doesn't get any lower. I can't remember the last time I had to drop out . This REALLY HURTS! Physical pain aside I was lower than low.

The sweeper catches up to me and helps me for my last mile. Another nice person takes me back to my cabin were I ended up on the floor with ice packs on me. I was able to get myself up and get to the finish line and cheer on the people I now admire.

My friends? They were awesome! Both finish and I couldn't be more proud.

So what am I to learn from this? What is this suppose to teach me?  Watch my step? This wasn't my time ?

So I take few days off. Pain was still there Wednesday and only made it a mile and a half. Thursday I did make it three and Friday five. Slight pain today after three but the tingling in my toes gone.

The countdown begins. That mountain doesn't own me. DID NOT FINISH.....YET!

More to come...

Something For A Cause.

Doing something for a cause and having a great time-what could be better? A week back I was blessed to run in a marathon relay for breast cancer in sunny Fla. So with skirt and pink arm warmers I was given the final leg of this great event.

Many events are directly related to a cause. Why not get out there and do a few. It's not often we get to do something we love and help others. Join a team and raise some money. Many of these teams also have coaches and training plans. So you get to help out a cause and yourself? And have a good time!

Back to the race. Coming from freezing temps to the sunshine was the perfect medicine for this guy. Our team leader ( sporting a skirt and a wig ) smokes the first leg for another team. Then because of the strange bus schedules ends up running his leg for our team in reverse and forward to hand me the stick. Superman!

All in all a good time with great friends. Some old, some new, and all friends.
Next year we are giving the women a run for their money!
Go do something good!

More to come...

Up The Miles- Again!

Every now and then I have to remind myself something- "Life is not a moving sidewalk." You can't just stand there and move through life. You can't expect life to come to you. You have to jump off the moving sidewalk and put in the work!

I see this all the time in people. I see this in myself. What I want to do requires me to get out there and put in the work. With all that goes on in my life and in my head I can;t expect to be where I want to be without jumping off the sidewalk and finding a way to make it work.

So tomorrow morning I jump off the sidewalk again.

More to come...

The World Is My Gym.

So I was remembering  ( Yes I do it a lot) about a 5k I did a few years ago. I felt sorry for the people putting on the race because only thirty or so showed up. Anyway, I was sitting on a wall afterwards drinking some water when I was pulled into a discussion (I think he pulled me in because we looked to be the same size and frame). The man was in his late fifties and he was telling some women how he stayed in shape. He started with the usual-no processed food, plenty of water....But then he tells them "Why pay for gym membership? The world is my gym!". He goes into showing us all the different exercises he could do right there. He used the curb, the wall, or nothing at all. It really was amazing.

Good thing for me I have someone (my best friend) who is nice enough ( and a a lot smarted than me about this )  to give me workouts so I don't have to figure out what to do. All I need is space and some hand weights. And afterwards I'm wiped! Just trying to type right now is a struggle.

Now if you like the gym that's cool. But there are plenty of ways to get into shape and stay in shape without the cost. Let the world be your gym! We can't run all the time-or can we?

More to come....

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow......

Unless you live where I live! Because with snow we get ice. Ice everywhere- on the roads,on the sidewalks, everywhere. So for almost a week I'm trapped inside going crazy. Good things for my workouts my best friend gave me. Sure they kill you but in a good way. Still nothing like a good run. To rub it in I see people running on my first attempt to the store. I should have been out there but ice and me have a hard time seeing it's out to get me. See me running when there is ice and break out the video camera and wait. I'm guaranteed to bust something and give everybody a good laugh.

Luckily after a week stuck in the house the snow and ice has all but melted away and I'm free. Sure it was rough at first but it still felt sooooo good. Road, trails, paths- it all good! Just out enjoying the view.

More to come.....

What Are You Gonna Do?

I had a bad night the other night. Just when I think things are going good I find out there not. It's all just an illusion . This is my life at the moment. So what are you gonna do? For me its means no sleep and thinking about what's next. So about five in the morning I thought a run was in order. I've known plenty of people through the years who use running to wash the problems of the day away but what about life. For me it can be my escape. If I can clear my mind the world seems right-the world is right.

So I go for a run. Good thing my car is well stocked and I have a place to get lost. The music begins , the time starts and I'm ready to go. First lap 5 miles-still in my head. Second lap 3 miles- still there! Another 5, another 2, 5 more ( 2 bottles and a sandwich) and finally 2 miles and three hours and  I had to stop. Back to life.

The illusion is still there so I guess I keep on running.

More to come....

Blank Slate.

For many of us the new year is about setting up race schedules and these become our goals. For many people the new year is about a new beginning.

I went to get some new shoes yesterday. On Dec 31 of all days! The store was packed and I got a good chuckle out of all the people there in the store. I learned from one of the guys that most of the people that had been in that day were doing the usual new year "I'm going to get back into shape." shopping.

Now four years ago this was me so I applaud these people and hope they not only reach but bust those goals in half!

If I have one thing to offer let it be this. Go into it like you have never run before. Think of it as a blank slate.

I ran from my teens to almost thirty. I ran A LOT! I ran thousands of miles and  raced at any distance I could get to. I ran over a hundred miles a week for eight weeks to just do it.

So when I started back after over ten years off I thought I could just jump right back into it. This is a quick way to get depressed and the quickest way back to the couch. Which is almost what I did until I figured something out.

Everything in life has an expiration date. You cannot let what happened years ago control you today. Think of it as going into the fridge and getting out some milk. You take a drink and it has a taste so sour you throw up. Now do you put that milk back into the fridge? Do you pull it out the next day and do the same thing again?
That is what I did over and over again. I would go out on a run and sure enough I would think about the "old days".  And it would bum me out comparing yesterday me to today me!

Finally I realized. I just need to start over from scratch. I set my sights on twenty minutes . Then 3 miles, 4 miles, 1 hour.....and boom I became a runner. Not a runner again but a new runner. I was able to enjoy all the  milestones because they were new.

I think this works not only in running but in life. Live today.

More to come.....